Over the past week or so, I have been putting a lot of thought into rebooting this blog. Also putting much thought into how I don't like the word "blog". It sounds so... blaaaaaahhhhg. I'll call it web-journaling. Wurnaling, burnaling, webal, inter-nal, inter-ling... well, I guess nothing else has the same appeal as shortened "web log". Whatevz, this is not a fight I will win.
I appreciate what blogging (web-journaling) does for my internal monologue. Thoughts that have been hanging out in my head have a place to go without necessarily finding little hiding spots in conversations with my friends. Sometimes I end up sounding narcissistic, or rude, or just plain ridiculous. Putting those musings that have no place in polite or even interesting conversation in their place (the internet) helps me out greatly in the not-boring-my-friends-to-death category.
Not that I'm saying I'm just going to ramble on aimlessly. I intend to expand on some of the things I've been thinking about. Indeed, I hope this doesn't become just a dumping ground for my brain. I am quite proud of some of the things I have written down in the past. I used to be a web journaling fiend, back in the high school and college days. Livejournal was the longest lived. It was a good place, for a while. I was on Xanga, until it became the myspace of journaling websites. Setting the wayback machine to waaaay back, I was on Open Diary. Well, I enjoyed the heck out of trolling people on Open Diary, anyway.
I was never a big private journal keeper. I have notes jotted down in various notebooks, but I have never really spilled deep dark secrets into the pages of a little pink padlocked book. Maybe I don't like to dwell on things like that. Maybe I am just in the habit of sharing things that bother me with people who will listen to me vent. Maybe the "publishing" aspect of web journaling validates what I have to say. Maybe I like that strangers might read this and wonder things about my life, who I am and what I do. Maybe I like that I can't lose the internet, and my various writings still exist in the servers of the various sites that I have logged onto. I don't really have just one reason for coming back to blah-ging. Maybe I just missed it.
Perhaps it's because I don't really have anything terribly interesting going on in my life right now. I feel like I am in a transition phase. In the past, these transitions have been swift and premeditated. Preparing me for "real" change. High school to college to job to job to job to... life. I am in the middle of deciding where I'm going to take this show, and there aren't any easy answers. It's easy for me to simply exist here in this quiet beach town with my job that pays me just enough. I have a nice living situation, a love life, and plenty of entertainment. The search for a greater purpose is really the only thing suggesting to me that this comfortable life might be a trap. I live in the land of the lotus eaters.
I feel that discussing my options and thoughts in this particular manner could lead me to a greater insight as it has in the past. Perhaps it will even help someone else. Hey, I mean, I can dream.
After writing all that, I find myself wondering why it took me so long to actually commit to starting a post. I must have logged on to the blogger website 3 or 4 times over a space of days before actually starting to type this. Clearly, I like to hear myself talk. I don't know what it was. Maybe I'm concerned about what I will dig up. Maybe not. Anywho, damage is done.
Night night, internets!
Your friend, Jenn
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